I can almost guarantee that 99% of the people you serve this to will love it. (There’s always that 1% that we hate inviting over for a meal because they’ll find a reason to not like anything.)

Better than Pumpkin Pie Cake

3 cups canned pumpkin pie mix
1 cup evaporated milk
4 eggs, beaten
1 box yellow cake mix
1 cup melted butter
1 cup chopped walnuts (or whatever nut you like)

Mix together the pumpkin pie mix, evaporated milk, and eggs, then put in 9 x 13 greased and floured pan. Sprinkle with the yellow cake mix, then pour the butter over that and top with the nuts. Bake at 350 for 30 min, then 325 for another 15 or 20 minutes, but check a lot toward the end to make sure the nuts aren’t getting too dark. Remove from the oven and let cool before serving.

I can’t leave this cake alone; even when I’m so full that I have to crawl away from the table. It’s that good.

If you want my opinion, though–and I never run out of opinions–I think anything that tastes really good can be classified as holiday fare. The holidays are about celebrating, and we like to celebrate with delicious food. Therefore, in the spirit of the holiday season, I’m offering this recipe. It’s one of my favorites.

Shrimp Linguini

1 lb shrimp, shelled and deveined
1 cup sliced fresh mushrooms
1/2 cup or more Parmesan cheese
1/2 cup chopped green onions
2 Tbsp chopped garlic
1/8 chopped fresh parsley
1/2 stick butter
1/4 white wine
Lemon juice
Salt and white pepper
8 oz fettucini pasta

Fill a medium saucepan with water and a little salt, and bring to a boil. Add the shrimp and boil for only a couple of minutes. Drain the water and set the shrimp aside.

Melt the butter in a large, deep frying pan. Add the onions and garlic and saute for a few minutes, then add the mushrooms and saute a few minutes longer.  Pour in the shrimp and saute for a couple minutes longer, then add the fresh parsley and white wine, and squeeze in a bit of lemon juice. Add salt and white pepper to taste. Turn the heat down to a low setting and let everything simmer together while you cook the pasta according to package directions.

When the pasta is done, drain it and pour it into a large bowl. Pour the contents of the frying pan over the top of the noodles, sprinkle with the Parmesan cheese, and toss everything together.

Goes great with a good crusty french bread.

And I can’t even hate her because she’s too nice. Go figure.

Below is one of her salad recipes. This has a great little kick to it, and I have never been able to not go back for seconds!

Amazing Southern Style Broccoli Salad

Ingredients:

5 cups fresh broccoli florets
1/2 cup yellow raisins
1/2 cup cooked, crumbled bacon
1/4 cup of red onion, chopped
1 cup of frozen peas, thawed

Dressing:

1 cup mayonnaise
2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
1/2 cup sugar
Preparation:Combine broccoli florets, raisins, crumbled bacon, chopped onion, and peas in a large serving bowl. In a separate bowl or large cup, whisk together mayonnaise, vinegar and sugar. Add dressing to the salad and toss to mix well; chill thoroughly before serving.

I hope you love it as much as I do!

For a double treat, you can visit one of my friends craft websites too.

Actually, it’s an elegant and delicious lead-in to a nice Christmas dinner. Seriously, you’ll impress the heck out of people with this.

Pumpkin Soup

2 1/2 lbs of cubed raw pumpkin (no skin!)
2 cups of cream (light or heavy, it’s up to you)
5 cups of chicken broth
1 1/2 cups chopped leeks (just the white part, of course)
salt and pepper

Pour the chicken broth into a dutch oven and add the pumpkin cubes and chopped leeks. Bring to a boil and then simmer until the pumpkin chunks are tender. Pour everything into a large blender and puree. Pour into a large, decorative bowl and let cool just a bit, then add the cream. Salt and pepper to taste. You can garnish each separate bowl of soup with some curled green onion strips or a dollop of whipped heavy cream (no sugar added, or course), or whatever you like that you think would go well and look nice.

Very simple, very elegant, and very tasty.

There is one hors d’oeuvre that my sister makes on special occasions that I have no problem calling a meal. Trust me when I say this is delicious.

Spinach Roll-ups

Large flour tortillas
1 lb bacon, cooked and crumbled
16 oz frozen, chopped spinach, thawed and all the water squeezed out.
2 packages Ranch dressing mix (the kind you mix with milk and mayo)
1 cup mayonnaise
1 cup sour cream
1 tsp minced garlic
1/2 cup chopped green onions
2 small cans water chestnuts, drained and chopped. (Don’t chop the cans, throw them away.)

Mix all of the ingredients together except for the tortillas, of course. Spread some of the mixture on a tortilla to about 1 inch from the edges. Roll the tortilla up, keeping it tight and neat. Repeat until all of the mixture is used up, placing all of the roll-ups on a large plate, stacking them if you need to. Cover with plastic wrap and let sit in the refrigerator for at least 2 hours, although overnight is even better.

After the roll-ups have set for an appropriate amount of time, take them out as you need them and cut them width-wise in about 1-inch rounds.  You’ll have great looking little pinwheels, and the taste is to die for.

I’m sure it’s psychological and has to do with pleasant memories of childhood Christmases, but there we are. Mom’s goodies are the best. Not that I’m complaining, mind you. I get to eat them.

Here’s one of her best confections:

Peanut Butter Fudge

(This is exactly how she explained it to me, so I hope it’s understandable.)

2 cups sugar
3 heaping tablespoons chunk peanut butter
pinch of salt
1 small can (5oz) evaporated milk
2 tbsp butter
1 tsp vanilla

Mix everything together in a bowl, pour into a regular saucepan and turn on medium heat. Turn down heat when it starts to boil and continue cooking, stirring frequently. After a while, take a very small amount and drop into a glass of cold water. If it falls apart it’s not ready, if it sticks together it’s ready.

When it’s ready, remove from heat. Add 2 tbsp butter and 1 tsp vanilla and beat the heck out of it until slightly stiff, then spread in a shallow buttered dish. Refrigerate it until it well.

This is great for giving as a gift, especially when you you mix a few pieces of this with a few pieces of chocolate fudge.

I like to think beyond cookies, though. Since I’ve never made candy in my life and my attempts a cake-baking never seem to turn out right, I turn to something that is fairly foolproof. And this baking-challenged fool needs all the help she can get.

This is decadent, but let’s pretend it has no calories. That’s a standard rule during the holidays.

Strawberry Pizza

(I realize that strawberries are a summer fruit, but you can buy them frozen all year round, and they are a Christmasy color so there we are.)

Crust:

1 cup all purpose flour
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1/4 cup softened butter
1 12-inch pizza pan, or small cookie sheet

Preheat oven to 325 degrees.

Mix all the ingredients together to form a dough. Spread the dough evenly over the pizza pan or cookie sheet, to about an inch from the edges.

Bake for about 12 minutes, or until it is a light golden brown. Take out of the oven and let cool.

Pizza Topping:

1  8oz package cream cheese
1 12oz tub of non-dairy whipped topping
1/2 cup sugar
1 package frozen strawberries with syrup, thawed
1 small tube green-colored icing (used for cake decorating)

Mix the cream cheese, topping, and sugar together until they are blended well. Spread evenly on top of the cooled pizza crust. Top with the thawed strawberries and syrup. Carefully draw a few lines over everything with the green-colored decorating icing. Be creative and make whatever pattern you’d like!

Cover loosely with plastic wrap and put it in the refrigerator for at least two hours. The longer the better, so if you can let it sit overnight that’s perfect.

This is a delicious, festive treat that everybody will love!

Take a cheap piece of meat, slap it in some marinade and soak it overnight and the next day you have a delectable entree. And you can marinate anything! Beef, pork, chicken, fish, vegetables…even fruit!

Marinades can do wonders for just about anything, and more importantly, they can make you look like a gourmet cook. Don’t go overboard, though. Marinate only one thing on the menu at a time, and don’t do it every night. Too much and people will think you’re trying to cover something up. Once or twice a week is fine, and will increase your praise factor significantly.

Marinated Oven-Fried Ranch Chicken

Prepare the day before you want to cook it.

One whole chicken, cut up
1 quart buttermilk
2 packages ranch dressing mix
1 cup of cooking oil

Place chicken pieces in a baking dish, meaty sides down, that they just fit into without overlapping. Pour the buttermilk over them, cover with plastic wrap, and put into the refrigerator. Marinate overnight, and keep marinating until you’re ready to cook dinner.

Open the packages of ranch dressing mix and pour the contents of each into a strong, gallon-sized plastic ziplock plastic bag. Take two pieces of the chicken at a time, shake off the excess buttermilk, and drop into the bag. Shake well. Pour the cooking oil into a baking dish that, once again, is just big enough to hold the chicken pieces without them overlapping. Place each chicken piece into the baking dish, meaty side down, after you’ve shaken them in the ranch dressing mix.  Place the baking dish in the oven and bake chicken for 30 minutes, then turn all the pieces over and bake for another 20 to thirty minutes.

This chicken is delicious, and if you really want to impress you can serve it with potatoes au gratin and green beans almondine. It also goes great with potato salad, so just do what you want! The chicken itself is a hit.

The fact is, though, that vegetables are good for us, so as cooks we need to find a way to get people to eat them. Adults are usually glad to eat vegetables if you dress them up pretty enough, but kids aren’t so easily won over. They’ll eye you suspiciously if you even look like you’re going to approach them with something that even slightly resembles a vegetable.

The trick is to make the vegetables an ingredient in something that they like. Surround the veggies with yummy things and they might not notice them!

Here are two recipes that should help you with your vegetable offense strategy.

Spinach Soufflé

1 16oz package frozen chopped spinach, thawed
1 can condensed cream of mushroom soup
1 egg, beaten
8 oz sour cream
8 oz shredded Monterey jack cheese
1 tsp chopped garlic
½ tsp oregano

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Squeeze as much of the liquid out of the thawed spinach as you can, using a lot of paper towels, a press…anything you have handy.

Mix the spinach and the rest of the ingredients in a large bowl until everything is blended well together.

Lightly grease the bottom and sides of a meat loaf pan and then pour in the spinach mixture.

Put on center rack of oven and bake for 30 to 40 minutes, or until the top is a light golden brown.

Zucchini Noodles and Sneaky Meatballs

1 lb ground beef
1 12 oz package frozen cauliflower
¼ cup chicken broth
2 tbsp olive or canola oil
¾ cup seasoned Italian breadcrumbs
½ to 1 cup shredded parmesan cheese
1 large jar spaghetti sauce
About 3 lbs of fresh zucchini

Cook the cauliflower using the microwave directions (If you don’t have a microwave, you can use the stove top directions), but cook it for twice as long with some added water to keep it from drying out. You want the cauliflower to be very soft.

When the cauliflower is done, drain the water and put the cauliflower into a bowl with the chicken broth and mash it with a fork until it is the consistency of mashed potatoes. Blend the hamburger and the mashed cauliflower together real well, then mix in the breadcrumbs. Form the mixture into meatballs, whatever size you like.

Heat the oil in a large frying pan and add a few meatballs, turning them periodically and frying them until they are nicely browned on all sides. As they finish cooking, transfer the meatballs to a saucepan. When they are all in there, pour in the spaghetti sauce and heat on a medium setting for about an hour or more. (The longer they cook, the better they are…you can simmer them all day if you like.) If you think you need more spaghetti sauce, feel free to use more!

Cut both ends off of each zucchini. Cut each one lengthwise in half, then in quarters, then eighths, and keep going until the strips are as small as you can get them. Fill a large saucepan with water and a dash of salt, and bring to a boil. Add the zucchini strips and turn the heat down just enough so the water is at a steady low boil. Cook until the strips are the consistency of al dente noodles.

Place a few zucchini noodles on each plate and cover with the meatballs and sauce. Top with shredded parmesan cheese. Enjoy!

One of the things that I enjoy about cooking is that I can make my own rules. Of course, there are common sense rules that most of us follow like not putting ground beef in apple pie or not adding a cup of sugar to your spaghetti sauce, but otherwise it’s an imagination fest.

I like to play with old standards and make something new but still familiar tasting. Chicken oven-fried in ranch dressing mix. Cheeseburger wraps. Baked mashed potato balls.

Use your imagination to play with some old favorites. It’s fun!

Sloppy Joe Pie with Baked Mashed Potato Balls

2 cans of large buttermilk biscuits (Like those Pillsbury ones you find in the refrigerated foods section)
1 lb hamburger
1 can sloppy Joe mix
1/4 cup melted butter

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Brown ground beef in skillet, crumbling it well with the spatula. Drain the grease, then add the can of sloppy Joe mix and stir well.  Open one can of the buttermilk biscuit dough and press each biscuit down into a pie plate to make a bottom crust, pressing up against the sides. Brush with half the melted butter. Top with the sloppy Joe mixture, then top that with the biscuit dough from the other can, stretching each biscuit thin then laying it carefully over the top. Brush with the rest of the melted butter, then bake until the crust is a nice golden brown.

Baked Mashed Potato Balls

(Start preparing these earlier in the day because you need to refrigerate them for a while.)

4 cups mashed potatoes
1 8 oz package cream cheese, softened
2 eggs, beaten
1/2 cup finely chopped onions
1/4 cup melted butter
Salt and pepper

Make the mashed potatoes in your favorite way, put into a bowl and let cool. Beat together the softened cream cheese and eggs until well blended. Add the cream cheese mixture and the chopped onions to the mashed potatoes, along with salt and pepper to taste, and mix well. Refrigerate for an hour or more so the mixture can set.

When you take the mixture out of the refrigerator, preheat oven to 350 degrees then take a small amount of potato mixture at a time and form into 1 1/2 inch balls. Place each ball on a lightly greased cookie sheet.  Brush the tops with melted butter. Bake for about 20 minutes to a half hour, or until the balls are a nice golden brown.

These two things should be able to bake at the same time. This is a sinfully delicious dinner, and loved by kids and adults.

When I want to make sure that a meal will turn out well, I use a crock pot. This way I have as little opportunity as possible to screw it up. I can prepare everything, throw it in the crock pot, and walk away. A few hours later I have a delicious dinner that my mother-in-law couldn’t possibly find fault with.

That is, if I remember to turn the crock pot on before I walk away for a few hours.

Needless to say, I found myself one night with about an hour to prepare a dinner for my in-laws. Were it just my own little family I could have thrown together some sloppy Joe’s and everyone would have been happy. But sloppy Joes would only have encouraged my mother-in-law to tell stories about how she baked her own bread, grew her own vegetables and made ‘real’ dinners for her precious children every night. All while walking 20 miles in the snow, no doubt. Uphill, both ways.

So I came up with something at the spur of the moment. I’d like to say that my mother-in-law didn’t find fault, but that wouldn’t be the truth. My husband and kids loved it, however.

You know what? That was good enough. And who am I to deny my mother-in-law her simple pleasures?

Spur of the Moment Taco Salad

1 lb ground beef, cooked and crumbled
1 head of iceberg lettuce (Not usually my choice of lettuce, but you need one that stays crisp for as long as possible.)
1 good-sized bunch green onions
8 oz shredded Colby-jack cheese
1 ripe avocado, peeled and cubed
1 cup sliced black olives
Tortilla chips or Frito’s™ corn chips
¾ cup medium chunky salsa
Thousand Island dressing

Chop the lettuce into salad-sized pieces and throw into a large bowl. Add hamburger, onions, cheese, olives, and salsa. Toss together. Add just enough Thousand Island dressing to coat everything well, but not so much that it makes the salad soggy. Add some chips to individual bowls and put some salad into each. Top each one with a few avocado cubes.

Sometimes, fear of your mother-in-law helps you create great new meal ideas!

I love to watch TV chefs. Paula Dean is my favorite. I sit with my cup of tea and my drool rag and watch her concoct some of the most delicious dishes I have ever seen, and I imagine what it would be like to be a TV chef.

One of the things I like best about this fantasy is knowing that I wouldn’t have to clean up any of the mess. I mean, seriously, that would rock.

So I’m thinking; if you don’t feel like cooking one night but you still have to, then pretend like you are a TV chef. Totally get into the role. Completely but temporarily lose your grip on reality. I’ve done this, and it helps.

If this makes you glad that I don’t have your phone number and address, that’s okay. I’ve always had a rich imagination, I’ve never stopped liking to play make-believe, and I learned to stop apologizing for that. I’m fine. Really.

Anyway, pretend like there’s a camera on you and an audience in front of you, and you’re making one of your famous dishes. (Even if it’s just hamburger helper with a little extra cheese added, that’s okay, we’re playing make believe…it’s okay to lie!)

Imagine, as you go through all the steps of making your prize-winning dish, that you are hearing all the “oohs” and “aahs” from the audience. Smile to them periodically to show your appreciation for their appreciation. If it helps, put some of your kids’ stuffed animals on chairs facing you while you cook.

How does this help? I’m glad you asked. It helps because if you get into your role as TV chef enough, really feel the role, dinner will be done before you know it and you can get out of the kitchen. If you want to make it even better, bribe someone to clean up after you so you really can pretend that you’re a cooking diva.

Worthy of a TV Chef but Super Easy Mexican Rice Casserole

3 Cups of cooked rice
1 7-oz can of chopped fire-roasted green chilies
1 lb shredded Monterey jack cheese
½ lb shredded sharp cheddar cheese
16 oz tub sour cream
Salt and pepper

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a large bowl, mix together the rice, chiles, sour cream and Monterey jack cheese. Transfer mixture to a large baking dish, and top with the shredded cheddar. Cook for about 45 minutes, or until top is just beginning to get a nice golden brown. Let sit for about 10 or 15 minutes before serving.

This goes well with chips and salsa or guacamole.

Can you hear the applause?

Lately I have begun to realize how much of my respect celery actually deserves. I used to think it was okay with cream cheese in it, but I wouldn’t go out of my way or anything. It was a diet food; something you were supposed to crunch on to satisfy your need to chew without adding calories (it only satisfied me if it was stuffed with cream cheese.)

Then last year I moved close to my oldest sister. I was telling her one day how much I used to love her tuna sandwiches when I was a teenager. She said the secret ingredient that made them so good was celery.

What?

My mother-in-law used to make a fantastic potato soup. She taught me how to make it, and for some reason I thought she said to put chopped celery in. When I made some and gave her a taste, she noticed there was celery in it and said that she’d never tried that before. She said it was better than hers, and made hers with celery from then on.

I realized that all my homemade soups were better with celery in it.

Oh, and Buffalo wings! I love Buffalo wings dearly, and I realized why they are always served with celery. For some reason, celery and Buffalo wings go fantastic together! Okay, I’ll stop shouting!

So I finally apologized to celery for the things I used to say about it. It’s actually a wonderfully nutritious and taste-enhancing vegetable, which now has an honored place in my health-smoothies, soups, stir fries, and relish dishes.

Long live celery!

The Best Potato Soup Recipe

5 or 6 red potatoes, cleaned and cubed
Salt
1 medium onion, chopped
3 large stalks celery, chopped
½ lb bacon, chopped while raw
1 tbsp chopped garlic
3 cups chicken broth
4 cups milk
½ cup flour
2 beaten eggs

Put cubed potatoes in a Dutch oven and pour enough water in to just cover them. Add salt to the water. Cook on high until the water boils, then reduce heat and boil gently for about 20 minutes. Drain the water out.

While the potatoes are boiling, put the bacon, onions, celery, and garlic in a frying pan over medium heat. Sauté until the onions are translucent. Add the contents of the frying pan to the potatoes in the Dutch oven. Pour in the chicken broth.

Bring to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer for about a half hour. Add milk and continue simmering.

Put the flour in a wide, flat bowl and add a tiny bit of the beaten egg. With a fork, beat the part where the egg is very quickly until it forms little lumps. Add a bit more egg and repeat the process until you have a bunch of little lumps or what my mother-in-law used to call “krinkles”.

Turn the heat up under the soup and watch carefully until it looks like it’s just about to boil. Quickly turn the heat back down, and add the little egg/flour lumps. Stir them in slowly. (They are like little dumplings.)

Let the soup simmer for another 20 minutes or so, and serve.

This is wonderful with fresh bread and butter!

We know, we know.

I don’t believe, however, that we should ever have to walk away from comfort food. There is just something so, well, comforting about it. I’m willing to eat fish three times a week (okay I like fish so that example isn’t exactly fair) and leave the cheese sauce off my broccoli. I’m even willing to eat turkey hot dogs instead of beef hot dogs.

Okay I take that back. I’m sorry, but I will never be able to eat turkey hot dogs. It’s just wrong.

But you get my drift, right?

I want to eat healthy, but once every one or two weeks, I want my comfort food. Fried chicken and mashed potatoes. Meatloaf and macaroni and cheese (homemade macaroni and cheese—the boxed kind is also very wrong.) Potato soup made with whole milk. Lasagna and garlic bread.

I’m not going to spend time justifying why I don’t want to live without comfort food, or why you shouldn’t have to either. It has to do with feelings and serenity and fond memories and things that don’t need to be justified.

Comfort Meatloaf

1 ½ lbs ground beef
½ lb ground pork
1 cup Italian seasoned breadcrumbs
2 eggs
1 tbsp Dijon mustard
½ onion, finely chopped
1 tbsp chopped garlic
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Mix all the ingredients together well, and then shape the loaf according to what pan you’re using. Bake for about 45 minutes or perhaps a bit longer—you be the judge.

This is a basic but really delicious meat loaf. And dammit, it’s comforting!

To be more specific, dark chocolate that contains more than 70% pure cocoa is good for you.

When I saw the word “chocolate” used in the same sentence as the phrase “good for you”, however, that was good enough for me. The world became a brighter place. Life made more sense.

I and women all over the world were suddenly vindicated. We had been saying all along that chocolate should have its rightful place in the food pyramid.

Chocolate contains flavonoids; healthy substances that are good for the heart. (We always knew that chocolate was good for a broken heart, didn’t we, girls?)

I realize that it’s still not good to overindulge in chocolate, and that sugar-laden milk chocolate candy bars won’t ever pass for health food. That doesn’t take away from my happiness, though.

Real, pure, unadulterated chocolate is good for me. It’s good for me! Here I go getting all verklempt again.

Heart and Body-Healthy Baked Pears with Chocolate

2 medium-sized pears, whichever kind you like
½ cup unsweetened orange juice
½ cup chopped walnuts
1/8 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Cut the pears lengthwise into quarters. Remove any seeds and stems. Place the pear quarters into a small baking dish and pour the orange juice over them. Sprinkle the chopped walnuts over them and bake for 20 to 30 minutes, or until the pears are soft but not mushy. Remove from the oven and immediately sprinkle the chocolate chips over them. The chips will melt just enough.

Serves two, but if you want to eat the whole thing, it would still be low fat/low calorie!

Note: If you’d rather use another kind of chopped nut, go right ahead! All nuts are good for you. And if you want the chocolate to be a little more uniform on the pears, you can always grind the chips a bit in your food processor for more even sprinkling.

Guess what? Even though food is a huge, traditional part of celebrating the holidays, it will always be more about the people who are eating together than it will be about the food being eaten.

If you try too hard to make your holiday dinner just right, you may cause yourself more stress than you need—and you may miss out on some special moments. It isn’t about following mom’s instructions to the letter and measuring just right when you and she are cooking together. It’s about the laughter and memories you share as you’re chopping and mixing. It isn’t about being able to declare that you made that pumpkin pie from scratch (including growing the pumpkin yourself), it’s about the stories that are told around the table as the pie is being eaten.

Don’t worry about what foods complement each other or whether a certain dish will be aesthetically pleasing. Call Aunt Sylvia and ask her if she’ll bring some of her famous key lime mini-tarts because they’re so delicious. Don’t worry if the bright green clashes with the cranberry sauce; you just made someone very happy.

Worry less about what is going on the table and focus more on your 12 year old son’s face when you tell him that this year he’ll be sitting with the adults. Don’t worry about those few lumps in the gravy; it was your brother’s nervous new girlfriend’s first attempt, and as far as she knows you have never tasted better.

Burn the rolls because you spent too much time hugging your nephew–who just recently came back from Iraq.

Care enough to make good food for them to enjoy, but never let them forget it’s the fact that they are with you that really matters.

Have a wonderfully imperfect holiday season.

Upon further investigation, I found out that it was tamales cooking in those two large pots on the stove. One pot held pork tamales and one pot held chicken tamales. They smelled heavenly.

When I tried them, “heavenly” didn’t seem like a strong enough word to describe how delicious they were.

I still can’t think of a good enough word. Suffice it to say, they were beyond “to die for”. They literally melted in your mouth, and had just enough kick to make you blink a couple of times, but not so much that you didn’t want more. And, oh man, did I want more.

Of course, I asked for the recipe. I found out that it takes two days to make tamales that good. Needless to say, I haven’t made them myself yet. But I plan to. I swear!

To be honest, I never wrote down the recipe that my mom’s neighbor gave me for these tamales, so I couldn’t repeat it here exactly even if I wanted to. But since I’ve brought it up and it’s actually the topic of this post, I did a careful search for a recipe that sounds most like what he told me.

Believe me when I tell you that you can’t say you’ve truly lived until you’ve tasted these authentic homemade tamales. I may have just talked myself into finally making some myself. Or maybe I’ll just call my mom’s neighbor and try to get invited over for Christmas Eve again.

And that’s another thing. If you are having people over for a holiday dinner, you might want to try this out. If anyone complains about it not being traditional, they’ll stop as soon as they taste them–I can just about guarantee it. Here’s the link to the recipe I found. I’m pretty sure that these will taste just like the ones that I had.

Don’t forget to come back here, though. I’ve been looking through some of the other posts and there are some seriously good recipes! (I threw in a couple myself on some other posts here; feel free to try them out and then tell me how good they are so I can say “Aw shucks, thank you” and stuff.)

It’s “Fast Food Night”, and it has nothing to do with going to the nearest drive-thru.

Buy some pre-formed hamburger patties (or pre-make them yourself if you’re intent on showing the rest of us up), some frozen French fries, and vanilla ice cream and flavorings for shakes.

Put some hats on the kids if you have them, or headbands or bandanas-whatever you have handy. You be the cook, let the younger children be the servers, and the older ones be the customers. (Adjust accordingly to the size of your family. A good idea is to let your children invite friends over.)

You want this to be all about exaggeration. Tell the servers to yell those orders out! When you shout “order up!” do it like you think Pavarotti would have. Get one of those dingers that you slap with your hand. In other words, the more obnoxious, the better!

Remember, this is fast food. Cut corners where you can, such as using the pre-formed patties, frozen French fries, dill pickle chips, pre-sliced cheese, etc.

Hey, if you want to get fancy making uniforms and custom hats, that’s up to you. The closest I ever get to that is saying “Yeah, that would be cute. I should do that.”

Fast Food Milk Shake

Vanilla ice cream
Some flavoring ideas: Chocolate powder or syrup, sliced banana, strawberry powder or syrup, peanut butter, Oreo cookies, malt flavoring, whatever the heck else you can think of.

Drop some vanilla ice cream into your blender and add the flavorings of your choice. Turn it on a high setting and blend away. You can add a bit of milk if you want, but the blender usually breaks down the ice cream enough to make it drinkable.

Secret Sauce for Hamburgers and French fries

½ cup ketchup
½ cup mayonnaise
2 Tbls pickle relish
¼ tsp horseradish

Mix all the ingredients together in a bowl. Cover and refrigerate for at least an hour before serving. Wonderful on hamburgers and as a dip for French fries.

Enjoying dinner while being goofy-does it get any better than that?

I have a confession to make. The only way that I like to eat turkey is in a sandwich. Otherwise, I skip it. Nope, I don’t even like it in casseroles. I like chicken by itself and in casseroles, but not turkey; which makes me think that it’s something psychological. Who knows.

Though I love to think of creative ways to eat leftovers (sticking them in the microwave and reheating them is not creative, though it’s nothing to be ashamed of), there is only one thing I will ever suggest to do with leftover turkey. (Not that! What did I ever do to make you think I would say something like that?)

Take two slices of your favorite bread—for me it’s sourdough—and spread mayonnaise and a little Dijon mustard on both. Between the slices, put leftover turkey breast, some slices of avocado, and some alfalfa sprouts. Enjoy.

Now, as far as other leftover stuff, I just came up with a new idea this year. It has to do with leftover green bean casserole and leftover ham.

To be fair, I should tell you that my son says I eat “weird food”. I choose to take that as a compliment. But if this sounds good to you, try it! I like it, though that doesn’t surprise my son. He hasn’t tried it yet.

Try thinking of some leftover recipes of your own. Don’t be scared. Put all your leftovers out on the counter and stand back a ways and stare at them for a while. Let your imagination run free. Take a walk on the leftover wild side!

Baked Leftover Green Bean Casserole with Ham and Cheese

Leftover green bean casserole (the kind with the mushroom soup and French fried onions)
Leftover ham, cut into chunks
Shredded cheddar cheese

Note: I have no idea how much leftover green bean casserole you might have or will have. Therefore, you’ll have to figure out how to balance the amounts of the ingredients and the size of the baking dish yourself. I know you can do it.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Scoop the leftover green bean casserole into a bowl. Stir in ham chunks and some of the cheese. Pour into baking dish and smooth out so it’s all even. Top with more cheddar cheese. Bake for about a half hour, or until you think it looks done.

I would love to read any comments about leftover dishes you have come up with. I eat that stuff up! (Pun intended.)

You envision imparting words of wisdom to your child during this special time together; wisdom that will serve her well as she makes her way in the world. How wonderful. How precious.

Back on earth, you’ve finally set aside the time to bake a batch of brownies with your little bundle of joy.

“Okay honey, get the eggs out of the refrigerator and set them on the counter. No, the whole carton. Take out the whole carton. Put the egg back in the carton. Put it back. Pick up the whole carton. Both hands. Both hands!”

After hubby gets back from the store with another carton of eggs, you crack them into the bowl and then hand her the package of brownie mix.

“Okay, sweetheart, open the box and then tear open the bag carefully. Carefully. Here, let me do it. Okay fine, you do it, but do it carefully. If you do it like that it’s going to…here, let me do it. Just let me open it, you can pour it! Hand it to me. Hand it to me now.

Do you want to make brownies with mommy? So help me if you don’t hand that to me…what did I tell you? Now we can’t make brownies because the mix is all over the floor. Okay, calm down. Stop crying. I know you didn’t mean to. Go get daddy.

After hubby gets back from the store with another box of brownie mix, you and your little darling manage to get it mixed and into the oven.

Now is the time for that wisdom-imparting.

“Come here, sweetheart. It’s okay, they have to cook for a while.

Come here. Mommy wants to talk with you.

Don’t open the oven. If you keep opening the oven they won’t get done.

Fifteen more minutes. The timer will go off.

Yes, we’ll hear it. No, that wasn’t it.

Come here and talk to mommy.

Come here. Don’t open that. No, they’re not done.

Come here. I want to impart wisdom so come here now or nobody anywhere is getting any brownies ever again!”

Yes, there’s a moral to this story.

Don’t believe everything you see on television, and don’t try to plan when you will be handing down profound pearls of wisdom to your child. It will happen at the strangest and most magical times, and yes, your child will remember. And a few years down the road you’ll both be laughing about the brownies.

I’d ask you if you were feeling guilty, but if you’re a parent that’s a ridiculous question.

Here’s the plan. First of all, no child should ever be allowed to see this.

Take the top off of your blender and toss in some berries and chopped banana. If you have time, throw in some chopped carrot. Top that with a half cup of high-quality plain yogurt, then scoop in some soy or whey protein powder and a spoonful of ground flax seed. Pour in about a half cup of pure orange or grape juice. Add a spoonful of honey. Blend these ingredients and then pour some into a glass.

When your child enters the kitchen you should be leaning against the counter, holding the smoothie in your hand. Sport a sheepish look as you say “I shouldn’t drink a shake for breakfast but I guess it won’t hurt just this once.” Take a big drink, smack your lips, and say “I’m so bad but this is so good!”

At this point, pretend like you’ve just now noticed the child who is staring at you. Hand her the box of Choco Lumps and say “eat your cereal, sweetheart, you don’t want to be late for school.”

Give in after some whining and cajoling and allow your child to have a “shake” for breakfast. Warn her that this will not become a habit. From this point on, pretend that you can’t stop drinking shakes in the morning. Allow her to guilt-trip you into letting her have them too since if you don’t have the willpower to resist them, how can you expect her to?

We can debate the question of whether or not you should ever deceive your child under any circumstances later. In the meantime, she’ll be healthier.

To be fair, I didn’t count the shopping time needed for buying all the ingredients for the fabulously fast meal I was going to try cooking. I set the timer for 15 minutes right when I began preparing the meal. (Hey, I bought the magazine on the promise that they were going to make my life easier with these splendidly speedy meals. Darned right I’m going to time them.)

They don’t tell you that you need to be a ninja food-chopper using a knife that can split a hair in mid-air.

Since I wasn’t the former and didn’t own the latter, nine minutes had passed by the time I was done preparing the food for cooking. Since the entire dinner cooked conveniently in one pan for a practically effortless dinner experience (not my words), I scooped everything up and put it in the pan, then stirred as I cast furtive glances toward the timer.

When the timer went off I lifted the pan from the stove and poured everything into a large bowl, then ran the bowl to the dinner table and set it down, pumping my fist in the air and yelling “I did it! I rock!”

The two children and one husband who had been sitting patiently at the table leaned forward in unison and studied what I had just set down. Finally, someone was brave (or stupid) enough to ask “What is it?”

“It’s a 15-minute meal. It made my life easier”

“Is it cooked?”

“Yes it’s cooked! Try it.”

“You try it first.”

“I don’t have to try it first, I cooked it.”

“It doesn’t look cooked enough.”

“Then take some and put it in the microwave for a few minutes.”

“Then it won’t be a 15-minute meal. Not really.”

“It’ll still be one for me, because my 15 minutes are up and I’m done with it.”

“Can we order pizza?”

“Yes. But it had better get here in 30 minutes. I’ll set the timer.”

I’ve made successful 15-minutes meals. Honestly. Nobody is better than me at dropping hot dogs into boiling water, slapping mustard and ketchup on buns, transferring the cooked dogs to the buns, stacking them on a plate, ripping open a bag of chips and then placing everything on the dinner table.

Just call me Ninja Hot Dog Mom.

As long as you have a few base ingredients such as chicken or beef stock and onions, you can just sort of rummage through your cupboards, refrigerator, and freezer and see what else you can toss in. And when it’s done people will ask you for that wonderfully unique recipe. (Tell them it’s a secret, because you’re not going to bother writing down what you threw in the soup and you usually won’t be able to remember everything.)

Here’s one of the toss-it-in soups that I made on the spur of the moment and that turned out to be good enough to make again. I don’t put amounts here because, frankly, I don’t remember!

Chicken, sausage and bean soup

4 cups chicken bullion
2 cans great northern white beans, drained
Cooked, cubed chicken
Polish sausage, sliced
Chopped garlic
Chopped onion
Chopped celery
Any other veggies you want to throw in there
A touch of basil
A touch of sage

Melt some olive oil and a touch of butter in the bottom of a Dutch oven. Add the garlic, onion and celery. Sauté until the onion starts to become translucent, then pour the bullion in and add all the other ingredients. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer for at least an hour, but the longer the better.

That one is my favorites. It is seriously tasty. The whole point is, though, that a lot of the time you can make soup out of what you have on hand. Look around and see what you could make soup out of. Don’t worry about whether you’ve ever seen it in a soup before; if it sounds good to you, throw it in! You really should always use the bullion or stock, though, because it’s the base upon which you build.

There’s something wonderful about smelling soup simmering on the stove. Throw a soup together, add some bread and butter, and you have a meal that would make grandma proud!